Jason Matthew Baker - MCSD 232 - E.O.W. 9-17-01

[hoosiercop]

A while back I made a tribute page for my buddy Jason who was killed in the line of duty. The first exeprt here from that page is a brief overview of what happened that night. The second one is a personal remembrance of mine.

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Early in the evening on September 17, 2001 Marion County Sheriff's Department Deputy Jason Baker was enroute to a "domestic disturbance" call. He then observed a vehicle that caught his attention near 52nd St. and Keystone on the north side of Indianapolis, and tried to effect a traffic stop on the vehicle. The vehicle would not stop and a pursuit ensued. Durig the chase, one of the suspects popped open the sunroof of the car and opened fire on Jason's squad car with an assault rifle. Jason's car being riddled with gunfire, he dropped out of the lead of the chase, but stayed in it. Jason knew he could not let criminals like he was chasing get away. The chase wound its way to the area of 32nd St. and Brouse. The driver and one remaining passenger of the car bailed out of the vehicle, spraying bullets as they did so. Jason was struck by one of these bullets before he could even stop and exit his squad car. Emergency medical personell tried to rush Jason to the hospital, but he did not make it. On that fatefull Monday evening, just six days after the terror attacks of 9-11-01 and eight days before Jason's 25th birthday, I lost a good friend, the Marion County Sheriff's Department lost one of its better deputies, and the greater Indianapolis community lost a true hero and protector. Jason will be truly missed.

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I first started talking to Jason as I neared graduation from college in the late spring of 1998. We started talking because we both were looking to become full time law enforcement officers. I finally met Jason in person on 5-10-98. We went bike riding on the Monon Trail and hung out a little. The next morning he sent me an email that said, "Jon, Hey it was cool getting to meet you yesterday.. It was great to meet you and get to know you. If you ever wanna hang out or do something, let me know.. I work a helluva lot, but have a few days off from time to time. ooh and remember you didnt get those IPD patches from me.. ha ha ha ha Well I gotta get going... hope to talk to you soon Jason" After I graduated from Ball State University, I had applied to a couple police departments, and was still looking for a job in the Indianapolis area. Jason, being the ever-helpfull freind that he was told me in another email, "just thought I would let you know we are officially hiring at dispatch... If you were interested in working for MCSD let me know.. well I will prob call ya on days off.. talk to ya later Jason" I did not get the chance to hang out with Jason as much as I would have liked to, due to his busy schedule at the time. But I understood his dedication to work and how much he loved his job. Jason talked about his schedule some in two other email excerpts. "This is a hellish weekend, 16 hour day Friday, and an 18 hour day today, but Im off Sun and Mon.. so today will be hell... after only 4 hours sleep!!! so hows the new F/T position comming along??? Well I need to get a nap B4 my realy hellacious day begins.. talk to ya later, I will try to call ya Sunday, see whats up.. L8TR bud Jason" "jon, Sorry I didnt call you back last night or yesterday. When I got your page I was on the monon trial w/ my dad, and I kinda forgot untill I was on my way to work at 5 pm.. I worked 12 hours. Have class again tonight, then working Doubles Thur, Fri and Saturday, Johnson Co in the afternoon shift, and Marion Co in the evenings, god I lvoe my life!! Well talk to ya later Jason" I very much looked up to Jason, especially after he got hired as a full time merit deputy with the Marion County Sheriff's Department. Jason was living out everything that I was still hoping to accomplish. Also Jason always seemed to give me the right advise on things, even if at the time I wouldn't listen. I often realized after the fact that Jason was right. It is too bad that Jason was gone before I finally got sworn in as a full time officer with the Muncie Police Department. But I know that he was watching over me as it happened and as I went through I.L.E.A. Jason, in his two years as a merit deputy, quickly garnered the respect of fellow officers, and received commendations for his job performance. As I continue my own police career, I strive to mold myself into the kind of officer Jason was. Those are big shoes to try to fill. When former Sheriff Jack Cottey swore Jason in as a merit deputy, Jason told him that he would make the Sheriff proud. At Jason's funeral, Sheriff Cottey confirmed that Jason more than kept that promise. I just hope that I can make Jason proud.

[hoosiercop]

Papa Admin, I think I have you to thank for making this post from last year pop back to the top of the list. I really appreciate the gesture.

But yeah, the other night (Sept. 17) was the 6th anniversary (not sure if I like that term in this context) of when Jason was murdered in the line of duty. The night of the 17th I went in to work, and was assigned a car I don't normally drive. I'll be dam*ed if the "trip mileage" on the car wasn't set at 232 miles. 232 was Jason's unit number. How in the world could that car have possibly been left with that number of miles, and then what are the chances that the supervisors would unknowingly give me that car (that they normally don't give me) on that particular night. It was rather amazing! What are the chances? I still miss Jason a whole lot, but when I saw that, I couldn't help but have a smile wash across my face.

I ran again in the Jason M. Baker Beyond the Badge 5 mile run again this year, and finished in 51:10. I was hoping to break 50 minutes, but was still happy. For those of you who haven't been to my myspace page, here's a video from after last years run. Though they did misspell my name. Don't mind my eyes looking all squinty, it was REALLY sunny out that day.

[hoosiercop]

Holy S**t! I just also noticed that the BluePride board now has 232 members! This is really getting freaky. It is like it is a sign of some kind, I just don't know what the message is though I guess. I normally don't believe in hokey kinds of stuff, but it feels like Jason is trying to talk to me or something. Just wish I knew what he was trying to say.

[admin]

Yes, Jon, I realized that the 17th was Jason's anniversary and I thought you'd post something but when I didn't see anything, I decided to bump your post from a year ago. It's still a valid post.
I also figured you had stuff to deal with that day and posting here was not a high priority, so I took the liberty of the bump. As far as 232....please don't get me started on this stuff. There are other members of this board who I've told about, regarding receiving messages from the other side. I truly believe that it happens. I have numerous experiences with things like that happening to me, although you don't realize it till after it happens. It's a subject that I don't talk about too much because when you do, people look at you like you have two heads, so I mostly keep it to myself. It doesn't happen too much to me anymore but for a while it was happening a lot. I never used to believe in stuff like that until I was being bombarded with it. Anyway, it was Jason saying "hi" and letting you know he's watching and is appreciative. I'll let that thought end this posting because I don't want to freak anyone out.

[admin]

bumped - - RIP JB

[hoosiercop]

Last Wednesday was the 7 year mark from when Jason was killed. When people say that time heals all wounds, that's hardly true at all. You don't get healed with time. You just find ways to get by. It still gets to me at times, and sometimes at the oddest times. I actually held myself together very well when I visited Jason's marker at Crown Hill on Wednesday.

A week and a half before that, I ran in the annual run to benefit the scholarship fund in Jason's name. Thankfully this year it was only a 5k run instead of 5 miles. My goal was to finish the 5k run, which included a 840 ft high hill, in 30 minutes. I finished in 29:57, beating my goal by a scant 3 seconds.

[TheBear]

Blessings upon you for the way you continue to honor Jason's life, Jon. And, you are quite right about your feelings that we never truly "accept" or "get over" a significant death loss.

Many years ago, I had the honor of working with the famous Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She was the Swiss psychiatrist who wrote the book On Death and Dying in 1969... the book that started the hospice movement and brought open public awareness of death issues in the U.S.

Dr. Kubler-Ross famously proposed the "stages" of grief to be
Denial Anger Bargaining Depression and Acceptance.

More recently, researchers and others in the field of Thanatology have suggested there are no discrete "stages" but rather they are "aspects" of the grief process which blend and ebb and flow back and forth, eventually reaching a point of mellowing of the pain of grief.

Even Kubler-Ross recanted some of the terminology toward the end of her life. One particular change my faculty advisor and I agree is especially notable is the last aspect of "acceptance."

As Jon notes, when we lose someone and that loss is a significant one to us, we never arrive at a true acceptance of the loss. Rather, as my professor and I suggest, we eventually come to a point of "Accommodation." We accommodate the loss by melding it into our own life story, our own life journey. It is accommodated into the fabric of who we are, the values we embrace, the things we hold dear.

Again, I honor you, Jon, for your continued remembrance of Jason. May the accommodation of his loss remain a special star in your life's story.

Mark Hartness,

MS Grief and Bereavement Counseling
MS Pastoral Thantology
LSPT, FT, CT
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[bluepride]

I think Jason should be remembered here every year because he seemed like such a great guy. Jon has talked about him many times and I almost feel like I knew him. If he were still here, I have no doubt he'd be a member here. And Jon is right about never totally accepting someone's death. And you never get over it, you get through it which is totally different.

When I had the biggest loss of my life in 2001, I was an open wound. An exposed nerve and I'm sure I drove some of my family and friends nuts. But they weren't as nuts as I was. And I wouldn't change a minute of what I went through because I had to go through it the way it happened. And now I guess I'm at a place of "Accommodation" as you put it. It's a fitting term because I still don't accept the death. I mean, I do now because it happened and I couldn't change it. But these days I can look back and smile rather than break down and cry as I used to do all the time. ( Well, most of the time anyway. I still have my share of tears even after all these years, but I deal.)) In my quest to try to understand death back then, I bought a copy of "On Death And Dying" among other books on the subject. I managed to read it although being so screwed up with grief,etc, I don't think I retained it all. I should probably re-read it. I have to say that I was never "angry" at him for dying because he really didn't want to. I was really angry at God which I dealt with and was told by the NYPD Department Chaplain that that was perfectly understandable. I reconciled my God anger long ago and I think I'm forgiven or whatever. I believe I am. But it doesn't change the fact that it was the worst thing to ever happen to me. If there is a positive side to all of this subject and me, it's that I became educated, stronger in some ways, and a lot smarter in some subjects like death and catastrophic illnesses. But god damn it, I WISH I was still dumb about them. Anyway, this thread is about Jason and I hope he's RIP'ing.

[Deleted]

When someone you love dies, It's true that you never fully get over it. Time does not heal all wounds. It only stops it from hurting so much and lets you live with the scar. For me, It's a painful, gaping wound that never fully heals. It just develops a scab that can't go away. Whenever you pick at the scab, it bleeds for a while before closing again allowing fond memories to come pouring back.
All of us have these scars. They reflect the love we have for one another and remind us of our humanity.

[1dbigjim563]

John, congrats on beating your time in the run, and you're right time doesn't heal, just helps us build coping skills. I try not to pick at those scabs, but every once i a while out no where softening happens and I'm back in the day, event, etc. Just seems a little easier with time to put that stuff away when it does get out.

[admin]

2009 Bump for Jason Baker.....

[ball6542]

Jason's Dedication and sacrifice for his passion, the job he loved, is truly remarkable. As I tell everyone, a life for others is a life worth while. I am sure he is proud of the life he lived by helping others. He sounds like a remarkable officer, and friend. He will not be forgotten...

[hoosiercop]

Thanks again for the bump, Tommy! And thanks for the kind words, Chris. This year, this week has been particulary rough for me for reasons I won't get into here. I ran in the 8th annual Beyond the Badge 5K run again this year of course. Due to my hand injury, I havent exercised at all since being hurt. Didn't want to let the cast get sweaty. So I ran with no preparation whatsoever. I didn't make 30 minutes, but finished at 32:10. Not bad considering the circumstances. If my abdomen hadn't started cramping a little, I might have hit 30. They actually had a very large turnout for the run, which was good. Of course, once this week hits, I get flooded with memories and emotions from that era of my life. It makes me wish I could go back, even though there was a large share of bad times in that part of my life. Yesterday, I went to Crown Hill to visit Jason's headstone like I do every year. I then got some dinner and hung out with a new friend. When it was time to head home I started to drive around Indy, re-visiting many of the places where memorable moments happened. It was weird driving by Jason's old apartment. I suppose this year has been different because in other years, I have life going on to interrupt and distract me from the sorrow. But being off work, I haven't had all the other things occupying my mind and I've had more time to just sit and think about things, about the past. I'm feeling a bit better today, but still kind of funky.

[bluepride]

Fundraiser To Be Held In Honor of Deputy Killed In the Line of Duty

On Sept. 18, join international speaker and trainer Brian Willis as he combines two of his most powerful presentations--Dare to Soar and Your Life IS Your Legacy--into a dynamic and insightful half-day presentation that will help unlock the door to your future and inspire you to seek excellence in your life.

Proceeds from the ticket sales will go to the Jason M. Baker Public Safety Scholarships, established in honor of Marion County Sheriff's Deputy Jason M. Baker, who was killed in the line of duty as he courageously protected our community. Jason's scholarships are granted to Indiana students pursuing a degree and career in public safety.

Read article: Fundraiser To Be Held In Honor of Deputy Killed In the Line of Duty

Hoosiercop will be running in the 5K run in honor of Jason Baker. He's training as I write this, hoping to become svelt and to be able to run like a gazelle in honor of Jason. He'll do Jason proud, I'm sure. If you're in the area, please participate.

Read about Jason: HEROES OF PUBLIC SAFETY

[Deleted]

Good Luck Hoosiercop!