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Dilemma
Jul 19, 2007 17:05:19 GMT -5
Post by ScottNbama on Jul 19, 2007 17:05:19 GMT -5
Most of you know that my little boy was killed last year at less than two years old. He and his mom were hit by a reckless driver going over 80MPH as they were standing beside a rural and roughly paved county road.
I had just brought him back there (260 miles away from my home) 2 days prior from a 2 week visit with me and my family.
The trial for the man that hit them will begin the day after the AL LEGAL beach trip. I'm leaving there and going straight to the trial. The problem I have is this. The DA sent word to me that he thinks that I should not sit at the table with him and my ex because the jurors may have heard that I am gay and he doesn't want that to pose problems with their decisions (even though me and the ex are friends).
Makes you feel like a second class citizen to be sure. I'm his dad and I think the jurors would wonder where dad was....or are they really that concerned with my personal life over my son's right to live?
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Dilemma
Jul 19, 2007 18:18:52 GMT -5
Post by flblue09 on Jul 19, 2007 18:18:52 GMT -5
Scott,
First, certainly, my sincere condolences for having so tragically lost your son. But, also for having to not only relive that horrible time all over again in a trial, and for being so insensitively insulted by the DA/lawyers as well.
Being gay has NOTHING to do with the homicide of your son ! Being gay has NOTHING to do with the prosecution of those responsible! Being gay has NOTHING to do with a jury member's or a judge's execution of duty - and if it does, they should not be seated in a position of adjudication!
You and your ex-wife are the parents of a child victimized and killed by another's mindless, selfish offense - that make both you and your ex-wife victims as well. EQUAL VICTIMS! The suggestion of the lawyers to remove yourself from the table suggests that, being a gay man makes you less of a father, less of victim, less of an American citizen, and less eligible for justice under the US Constitution and the rule of law. Last, but not least ... it is a consumate insult to your son !
What, is this 1957 ... would they prefer that you sit in the back of the bus with the "Colored" ? It is an absolute outrage that the lawyers suggested what they did! Post trial, I'd lay a discrimination suit on their lily-white, legal asses in a NYC minute!!
YOU SIT TALL AT THAT TABLE, DAD!!!Circle the Blue Pride wagons, ladies and gents ... this man needs and deserves support !
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Dilemma
Jul 19, 2007 19:42:29 GMT -5
Post by hcsodale on Jul 19, 2007 19:42:29 GMT -5
Boy did you title this thread properly!
In my city and what I believe is the political climate here, I would completely agree with flblue09's opinion. But there are too many comments made about how backwards/bible thumping/conservative/good-ole-boy a reputation Alabama can have, so I would be having the same worries you have expressed.
If that is the political climate of that jurisdiction, I think I would sit nearby, but not at the same table, for fear the focus of the trial would be lessened somehow. But once that decision comes down from the judge I would be raising a stink about how I was treated as a second class citizen instead of the child's father.
It would not be demonstrating our need to be recognized as equal, like we all want, but if I really thought it might affect getting what small bit of justice a conviction would be, I think I would set aside my own beliefs until it was over.
Either option doesn't bring back your son, which you deal with daily. Most of us can only offer our thoughts and best wishes and support for whichever decision you make.
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Dilemma
Jul 20, 2007 8:06:37 GMT -5
Post by hoosiercop on Jul 20, 2007 8:06:37 GMT -5
If jurors would have heard that you are gay, then thats already in their mind either way. I dont think being there will really change much as far as the gay thing goes. NOT being there, I could see that negatively affecting things thinking that the father doesnt want to be there or doesnt care. Thats a more salient argument than the gay one. I say do what your heart tells you and be there. He's your son, you deserve to be there if you want/need to. And know you have all of our support! *hugs* Then after the fact, rip the DA a new one!
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Dilemma
Jul 20, 2007 8:48:19 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2007 8:48:19 GMT -5
Hi Scott. I agree with Fiblue when he says "YOU SIT AT THAT TABLE, DAD." You don't have anything to be ashamed of. They can only treat you as a second class person if you let them. Never, never give up your self respect because if you do, nobody will respect you.
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Dilemma
Jul 20, 2007 13:08:38 GMT -5
Post by bluepride on Jul 20, 2007 13:08:38 GMT -5
Yes, this is certainly a dilemma. Your rightful place is at the table with your ex-wife and your attorney. The main objective of this trial is, obviously, to gain a conviction against the miscreant who took your son away from you and your wife. And for the injuries that happened to her. The idea of you sitting away from your wife and the DA is appalling. You would know better than any of us about the social climate and the intelligence of the people who would be on the jury. This is definitely a tough call. If you firmly believe that the outcome of the trial would be slanted by the jurors prejudices, well maybe you should sit apart and deal with the inequity after the trial. This is not a "gay-rights" trial. It's about a child who was killed and a woman who was seriously injured. Sure, it's NOT right that you would have to sit apart from your wife. At a time like this, I couldn't think of a much more humiliating thing. But there are no crystal balls here. We don't know how things are going to turn out at the conclusion of the trial. Would the jurors, in this day and age, be so stupid as to let the fact that you and your wife are divorced and you happen to be gay, have an effect on the outcome? Flblue09 is right. This trial has nothing to do with your being gay and the judicial system where you live is going to have to realize that. And if you do choose to sit where you should be sitting and the jury does find out that you're gay? Well, it's your lawyers JOB to let those jurors know that it does not matter one way or another. And I hope you let him know that. The focus should be on your son and your wife. Everything else is irrelevant. Your lawyer should find out how many jurors are divorced, if any, and find out the reasons why they're divorced. If they know your reason for your divorce, you should know theirs. And if the fact that you're gay is going to possibly be a factor in the outcome of this trial, your lawyer needs to shame and embarrass those jurors for being small minded and stupid beforehand.
The fact that you and your ex are divorced should not even enter into things. Just to be on the safe side, I'd gather as much information as I could regarding this lawyer's suggestion. Keep it for the future, should you need it. If he's not doing his job 100% for you and your wife, go after him afterwards. But the main focus should be gaining a conviction. Just make sure that your lawyer doesn't allow anything else to enter into the mix. I've probably rambled here and there about this because it makes me mad that you would actually have to consider sitting apart from your wife. And then I have this question: how does your ex feel about this? If she wants you to sit next to her, that just may be the final answer to all of this. And IF the question of your being gay comes up, dump it into the hands of your lawyer, to shame and embarrass the jurors to not let it matter. That's what he's being paid for.
No matter what you decide, one thing you have to know is this: We may not be in the courtroom in a physical sense, but we'll be there shoulder to shoulder with you and your wife....and your son. And Scott, please keep us updated on this. This is extremely important and makes most of the other topics here pale in comparison. This is what it's all about.
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Dilemma
Jul 21, 2007 8:52:49 GMT -5
Post by hoosiercop on Jul 21, 2007 8:52:49 GMT -5
From the way the situation happened, I'm just curious on what grounds this guy is going to try to claim innocence on? The way you first described it a while back sounds like it should be an open and shut case. Was there any shadiness in how the police handled the case or something? I would think his only shot would be getting a motion to suppress something important to the case against him granted. I agree, if your lawyer has any degree of real competency, then I don't think you should have much to worry about. And if he's not competent, you need a different lawyer.
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Dilemma
Jul 26, 2007 1:14:53 GMT -5
Post by burner on Jul 26, 2007 1:14:53 GMT -5
If jurors would have heard that you are gay, then thats already in their mind either way. I dont think being there will really change much as far as the gay thing goes. NOT being there, I could see that negatively affecting things thinking that the father doesnt want to be there or doesnt care. Thats a more salient argument than the gay one. I say do what your heart tells you and be there. He's your son, you deserve to be there if you want/need to. And know you have all of our support! *hugs* Then after the fact, rip the DA a new one! Scott, I totally agree with everything Hoosiercop has said. If they know already that you're gay, it won't make any difference where you sit. If they don't know then that won't matter either. Both argue for your sitting where you belong...with your ex. But, again, Hoosier says it best when he says "do what your heart tells you and be there." Be assured you have our support no matter what you decide.
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Dilemma
Jul 27, 2007 13:02:18 GMT -5
Post by ScottNbama on Jul 27, 2007 13:02:18 GMT -5
Thanks for all the kind remarks....I've not heard anything new and it is just over a week away. I'm in a wait and see mode right now.
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Dilemma
Aug 4, 2007 13:35:41 GMT -5
Post by blu06 on Aug 4, 2007 13:35:41 GMT -5
Sorry to be late responder Scott,
I hope you do sit with the DA and your ex. I can' t see how any good will come from being placed in the background. What an agonizing situation. Should any father be put aside in this type of situation? No.
God Speed. Let us know what happens.
Blutex06
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Post by ScottNbama on Aug 8, 2007 7:49:58 GMT -5
The trial did not begin on Monday. The defense attorney didn't show up for jury selection. It was discovered that he was at a doctor office or hospital 2 hours away. It has been postponed now until Monday 8/13. His attorney is very old and not the sharpest knife in the drawer. That could be a problem later on. If we don't have the trial next week, it will likely be next year before we do.
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Dilemma
Aug 8, 2007 10:10:29 GMT -5
Post by bluepride on Aug 8, 2007 10:10:29 GMT -5
Ahh....sounds like the old delaying tactic, designed to try to wear you down. An old ploy. Just have to stay strong and anticipate that they'll try to play these games to try to wear you down and hope you'll go away. I know you're gonna stay strong though and not let their legal tricks and maneuvers get you down. You're smarter than them anyway. Maybe have your lawyer go for the other attorney's jugular (figuratively speaking, of course...) within the next few days to ensure that the trial takes place NOW. We're all by your side through this.
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Dilemma
Aug 19, 2007 23:35:54 GMT -5
Post by ScottNbama on Aug 19, 2007 23:35:54 GMT -5
I'm here...trial starts in the morning at 0900. Wish us luck!
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Dilemma
Aug 20, 2007 0:55:28 GMT -5
Post by bentenn on Aug 20, 2007 0:55:28 GMT -5
Good luck, and I hope that justice is served in this case.
I feel you ought to sit with your EX, I think the reasoning is flawed to keep you apart. In fact it may have the opposite effect in conservative Alabama.
Go sit with her, you were both the parents and you both have suffered through this.
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Dilemma
Aug 20, 2007 9:27:38 GMT -5
Post by bluepride on Aug 20, 2007 9:27:38 GMT -5
Best of luck, Scott. And best of justice. Please let us know how it goes today.
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